


Speed Dating

by Jenny_Starseed



Category: Cabin Pressure
Genre: Bad Exes, Flirting, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-11-26
Packaged: 2018-09-02 06:04:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8653651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jenny_Starseed/pseuds/Jenny_Starseed
Summary: "Douglas!"
"Is it me, or is everyone in this place insane? I don't know about you but I'm not moving from this table!"





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A forgotten fic I wrote anonymously on the Cabin Pressure meme. 
> 
> Originally written in May 2012.

Martin blamed Caitlin for this. Oh Marty, you’re approaching forty and it’s time to be serious about settling down and starting a family. You should try speed dating. Speed dating. What a thoroughly awful idea.

In fifty-five minutes, he had spoken to ten women. The first one was twenty-one and dreamed of having a house full of children. She had to start early if she wanted thirteen children before she was forty. The second one was too tall and pretty and all Martin could do was stammer out incoherent responses to simple questions such as “what are your hobbies?” The third and fourth were both very devout Catholics and immediately lost interest in Martin once he said he wasn’t one. The fifth could only bitterly talk of her ex-boyfriend for the entire five minutes. The sixth interrogated him about his life goals and his philosophy on raising children. It felt too much like a job interview than a real date and frankly, Martin didn’t need that sort of pressure. The seventh was a real estate agent who went on incessantly about the interest rates and housing prices. The eighth reminded Martin of a female version of Arthur. Enough said about that one. The ninth was a nice and sane, but he felt no attraction to her. The tenth one reminded him of a thirty-something blonde version of Carolyn. And the eleventh was Douglas. 

"Is it me, or is everyone in this place insane?” asked Douglas. “I don't know about you but I'm not moving from this table."

“Douglas! What are you doing here?” hissed Martin. “And this is against the rules of speed dating. Men on the right side, women on the left. You’re on the wrong side and this speed dating session is for heterosexuals only.”

“Au contraire, Martin. Rules were made to be broken. Consider the dearth of eligible women in this room. Though I could make an exception for Katherine.”

“Who’s Katherine?”

“The brunette with the legs that you spent five minutes stammering at.”

“May I ask why you are here again? Aside from humiliating me and getting me in trouble.”

“Martin. The night is almost over. You had one woman left to interview and look at her. She’s wearing Birkenstocks with socks and a hideous necklace that my daughter could have made in school if she was colour-blind. I had the pleasure of speaking to her earlier. I hope you like her endless stories about her two cats, Remus and Romulus.”

Martin groaned. “I knew this was a bad idea. Caitlin arranged this for me. I told her I wanted a low-stakes way of meeting people and she comes up with the most artificial way to meet people. Why are you here? I doubt you’d have any trouble meeting women with your sky-god charm.”

“You’d think so, wouldn’t you? Speed-dating sessions can be wonderful places for a one-night stand. Many here are desperate enough for a bit a company, even if only for one night. And this setting takes away the pressure of coming up with pick-up lines. I got Katherine’s phone number. I might ring her later tonight for a bit of fun.”

Martin crossed his arms. He didn’t need Douglas’s smug reminder of his inadequate ability to flirt. “Are you just going to sit here and rattle off your conquests? Because I am really not interested.”

“Actually, I was wondering if you would like to have coffee with me sometime.”

“That’s not very funny, Douglas.”

Martin waited for the sarcastic quip to come but all Douglas did was look at him intently, waiting for an answer. Martin couldn’t believe this. Did someone drug his wine this evening? “You mean you’ve come here to ask me on a date.”

Douglas made a casual gesture around the room with his hand. “And to survey what kind of women are you are into.”

“But I’m not gay, Douglas.”

“Not gay, but bisexual.”

“How do you know that?”

“Let’s just say I had a drink or two with an old friend of yours, Nathaniel, the steward for Cal-Air. Apparently, you were quite the shag back in the day. I didn’t know you had friends with benefits of the male persuasion, Martin.”

Martin felt his face go red with indignant embarrassment. “That is none of your business. I can’t believe Nathaniel would kiss and tell like that.”

“You’re avoiding the question. Would you like to have coffee with me?”

“Why on earth do you want to have coffee with me?”

“I don’t know. Because you’re a handsome young man that I’ve grown attached to, isn’t that a good enough reason for a high stakes coffee date?”

“But you were married!”

“Nicely observed.”

“Three times.”

Douglas smirked. “Don’t worry, I won’t ask for your hand in marriage.”

“To women.”

“And now I want a coffee date with a man. Variety is the spice of life you know.”

“Have you’ve ever even been with a man?”

“Yes.”

Martin stared at Douglas incredulously. “Really?”

“I had a few drunken one-night stands in my university days. There were a few handsome co-pilots during my Air England days that occupied my time in between flights. Really, has my reputation as a master sky-god and shameless opportunist seducer of men and women have so little reach?”

Martin couldn’t help but think there was a caveat somewhere. “Give me a few good reasons why I should go out with you?”

Douglas leaned forward and took Martin’s hand into his. He had an awfully earnest expression on his face that Martin was not used to. “Because I like you. I can show you a good time that you’ll never have with any of these drippy women. Though Katherine is quite a keeper, but we all know you don’t have a chance in hell with her without hyperventilating out of a paper bag. The last I heard, wheezy is not the new sexy.”

Martin frowned. “So I should go out with you because I have no better options? You can do better than that.”

“I can show you a good time,” said Douglas, his voice smooth and rich like caramel. So this was what it was like to have the Douglas Richardson charm turned on him. Martin could just feel his protests and arguments melt away with the creamy promises of Douglas’s words. 

“And how can you show me a good time?”

“I can shag you senseless until you’re boneless with endorphins.”

Martin’s mouth went dry. The words were having a hard time escaping his mouth. “That’s...um, your idea of a good time?”

Douglas leaned forward with a leer that shouldn’t be doing things to Martin’s insides. “Isn’t it yours?”

At this point, Martin could only let out a mumbling sound that was meant to be yes. 

“Good!” Douglas got up to put on his coat. “It’s a little late for coffee but much too early to call it a night. Would you care for some mushroom risotto at my flat? I’ll admit it’s been a long time since I’ve made any for somebody, but I doubt it will fail to impress.”

Martin scrambled to put on his coat and he almost knocked over the table in his haste. “I’ve never had risotto. But, um...is it just risotto? I mean, I wouldn’t mind more.”

Douglas put his arm around Martin and whispered, “Good, I wouldn’t mind more either. Good, we’re in agreement. Now, if we leave quickly, we can avoid Miss Birkenstock over there. She seemed to have her eye on you and I hate to see you waste your time on bad excuses when your mouth could be better used elsewhere.”


	2. Conversation with Nathaniel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a Prequel to the Speed Date. Douglas meets Nathaniel at an airport bar.

Douglas was at an airport bar passing time in between flights. He had just ordered his orange juice when he turned around to find a pale, slender, nervous young man speaking to him with a slight Scottish lilt. “You’re Douglas Richardson, aren’t you?”

“Who wants to know?”

The young man held out his hand. “My name’s Nathaniel. I’m a steward with Cal-Air.”

Douglas shook his hand. He took a seat on a stool at the bar. Nathaniel did the same. “Nice to meet you Nathaniel. It’s not every day that a stranger comes along and shakes my hand with such enthusiasm. Most of the time, people shake my hand with trepidation.” 

Nathaniel gave a high chuckle. He had a nervous manner that reminded Douglas of someone he knew. “You’re Martin’s first officer. He talked a lot about you. I wanted to meet the man himself.”

Ah that explained it. This could be Martin’s Scottish half cousin in the way he eagerly stammered and sputtered through every social interaction. “Did he now? What did he say?”

“He said you’re one of the most clever men he knows and he looks up to you,” said Nathaniel. “But um, I probably shouldn’t tell you that because he said you had quite a large ego and he likes to keep his opinions of you to himself.”

“Oh? And how do you know Martin? As far as I know, Martin doesn’t have many friends or a social life.”

Nathaniel blushed. “We’re not really friends friends.”

Douglas raised his eyebrow. Did Martin have a--? No! But maybe. Best to ask. “Oh? If you’re not friends friends, what kind of friend are you?”

“Um, don’t tell him, but we just used to have a lot of sex.”

“Don’t tell him? My goodness, Nathaniel, if Martin doesn’t know he’s having sex with you, what kind of sex were you two having?”

“NO! What I mean is...I shouldn’t really be talking to you. But I was a little curious to meet you.”

Douglas frowned. What had Martin been saying about him? “Curious? We’re just co-workers.” Douglas took a sip of his orange juice.

Nathaniel fidgeted with a paper napkin. “Yeah, but he talks about you so much...I thought, well...he broke off our...um, arrangement six months ago. I thought you were his new beau.”

Douglas nearly spat out his orange juice before he choked on it. Nathaniel awkwardly patted Douglas on the back as he tried to recover himself. “Beau?” Douglas didn’t like how shaky his voice sounded. “Is that what you young ones call it these days?” 

“I just think you’re very lucky to have him. I’m not really his type, but we were both lonely during that snowstorm in Sweden. I had a room, he didn’t. We just did it.” Nathaniel had a faraway look in his eyes, as if recalling a very fond memory. “He was fantastic. “

“Fantastic is not a common word used to describe Martin,” said Douglas. He took a cautious sip of his juice.

Nathaniel’s eyes grew more wistful. “Oh, you don’t know the things he could do with a butt plug and a silk scarf.”

Douglas choked on his juice again. “Excuse me?”

“He’s one of the best shags I’ve ever had. So attentive and kind. And he makes very good use of those long fingers, if you know what I mean.”

“Does he now?” Douglas hoped his voice sounded as droll as he imagined.

“Hmm...they can reach places you can’t dream of.”

Douglas suddenly had an image of Martin on his bed, his legs spread wide and inviting. His were long fingers stroking his cock. Douglas tried to concentrate on the taste of his orange juice, but that could not distract him from the erotic images that flooded his brain. He thought of what Martin would do with one finger, pushing and penetrating him. That one lone finger curling up and stroking that most intimate spot. The schoolboy grin Martin would have he stroked Douglas, his hand wet with white cum as Douglas came. His trousers were beginning to feel uncomfortable when he noticed that Nathaniel was still talking. 

“-It was one year of sex. We never went out for dinner. He wouldn’t let me meet his cabin crew. Or his mother. I really wanted to meet his mother and he thought that was strange when I mentioned it. All he could talk about was his stupid flight protocols, aviation history and the wonders of Douglas Richardson. He only ever called me when he wanted sex. I’m not complaining, well I am, but not about the sex. The sex was excellent. It almost made up for everything else. Until he broke with me via text message.”

Nathaniel took out his wallet and paid for Douglas’s drink. He got off the stool and held his head high, as if to ready himself for a much rehearsed speech. “I just want you to know that I’ve found a new beau in my life. His name is Anthony and he’s a first officer at Air England. You let him know that. I’m not upset at him for so rudely dumping me. I’ve found a better man who gets paid more than he does. And he gives fantastic head. Just as good, no! Better than Martin. And he knows how to treat a man with respect. You tell him those exact words.”

“I’ll pass on the message.”

“Good, you tell him that. See that dashing young man over there with the red hair?”

Douglas looked in the direction Nathaniel was pointing to. A redheaded man with glasses in his mid thirties was ordering drinks. He was tall but rotund. Apparently, Nathaniel had quite a thing for redheads who flew planes. 

“That’s Anthony,” Nathaniel said proudly. “You tell Martin that Anthony satisfies me completely. And I mean _COMPLETELY.”_

Douglas could see why Martin dumped this petty man. He was handsome, but not handsome enough to put up with his neurotic and prissy demands. The worst thing Douglas could do was to give the man anymore attention. 

Douglas drew his fingers around the rim of the class with a feigned look of boredom. In reality, he was excited by the possibilities of starting a pleasurable arrangement of his own with Martin. The prissy captain fancied him and he knew for certain Martin would not turn him down. It would be dead easy. 

Douglas pulled out his wallet and put down fifteen Euros on the counter. “Tell you what, the next round is on me. I’ll deliver your message to Martin and you’ll agree to never approach me again. How does that sound to you?”

He left the bar before Nathaniel trapped him into listening to anther diatribe about what a terrible boyfriend Martin Crieff was. Douglas was more interested in finding out what kind of fantastic shag Martin Crieff was. And that sort of information could only be satisfactorily found with first-hand experience.


End file.
